Dear Future Husband (No. 1)

Dear Future Husband, 

I'm sorry. I'm scared. And I'm excited. 

I'm sorry for my past. For giving my heart away too easily. For having a twisted perception of men. For not having trust. I'm also sorry for my present. For constantly searching for you instead of being patient. For forgetting to pray for you. I'm even sorry for my future. For the mistakes I will make. For letting my emotions drive me at times. For not following through on things I may promise. 

I'm sorry for you. For the temptations you deal with everyday. For the girls who show a little too much. For the lie that being a man means being physically strong and hiding emotions. For the expectations I already have - the ones you feel like you have to meet, but know you won't always be able to. I'm sorry for your past hurt, whatever that may look like. 

More than sorry, I'm scared. I'm scared for the bad times. For not living up to your expectations. For being a bad wife or mother. For fighting. For potential financial stresses, even though I know that ultimately doesn't matter. 

But even more than sorry and scared, I'm excited. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited for you to experience my awkwardness. I'm excited for the mountains. For the jokes and the laughs. For the happy tears. For our future children. For serving the Lord together. For dancing and singing in the kitchen. For worship and fellowship in the family room. For deep conversations. For working in the mission field. I'm excited for the valleys. For the hardships and the tears. For the trials that will shape our relationship. For the times when we know the only thing pulling us through is our love for the Lord. I'm excited for all of the moments we will share.

I'm sorry and scared and excited. I don't know when I will meet you, but I pray that temptations are small and that the Lord prepares you for my craziness and sensitivity. I pray that He softens your heart, opens your eyes, and prepares you for everything that may come. But most of all, I pray that you lean on Him and love Him more and more each day, more than you will ever love me. 

Love, 
Your Future Wife 

A Letter To My Best Friend

Dear Lauren, 

Did I actually just use your real name??? 

I really cannot find words that are strong enough to express how much you mean to me and how much I thank you for all the things you have done for me and all the times that you were there. I just wanted to let you know how much I need you, and how much you mean to me. 

You're my dearest friend - the person I always turn to with my heart and soul. You're always there for me, ready to offer an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, or a heart to feel. You've been there through both the good times and the bad times. You were my light and warmth when the road got tough. You encouraged me whenever I hesitated. Not all friends stand by you through your joys and sorrows, but you've always been there for me. Thank you.

I've met a lot of people in my life, but I've never met anyone else quite like you. I knew from the start that there was something special about you. You touched my life and wouldn't let go. You brought me unimaginable joy, and you have made me feel like a better person who is able to take on the world. I think we were destined to become friends, and I'm grateful for God who brought us together. True friends are hard to find; that's why I'm glad I've got you. 

You are so special to me, and you cannot be replaced. You are always willing to help no matter what the situation holds. You always support me in everything I do. I hope one day you can lean on me as much as I've leaned on you. Your friendship helps me realize how blessed I truly am. I thank God for bringing you into my life, because I would not be the way I am today without you.

All you have to do is say the word, and I'll be there to lend a hand - day or night, sunny or snowy, happy or sad. I don't know if many people in this world would understand, but to have a friend like you is finding a silver heart in a bag of sand. You are the only one I can tell my soul to, who can relate to me like no other, who I can laugh with to no extent, and who can help me with all the problems I have to face of my life. Never have you turned your back on me, let me down, or told me I wasn't good enough. You crack me up with laughter and touch my heart with your kindness. I love you more than words can say, and I will no matter what happens. 

I look up to you because you are strong, caring, and beautiful (among other things!). I hope you know that I will always be there to listen to you, laugh with you, cry with you, and help you in all the ways that I possibly can. Through smiles and tears, laughter and heartache, you've been a part of my life. Going through this time of not hearing your voice or seeing your smile is rough. I look forward to the time we share, and I cherish all the memories we have already made. 

You always put other people first. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. You have impacted so many lives, and I would not be the person I am today without you. In times of trouble and in times of thanks, you stood by my side and held me up.You supported me when I was in tears from sadness and from joy. I've never needed anyone in my life as much as I need you now. 

Nobody will ever find another person more special than you are. I would fall apart if anything ever happened to our friendship. Everyday it just grows stronger and stronger. You are worth more than real gold. I could never imagine life without you, because that would be like an overused pencil - extremely dull. You play a major part in my life, and I hold you incredibly close to my heart. I treasure your soul like no other. You've helped me so much during the time I've known you, and I only hope that I can return the favor. 

I love you so so so so much, and I can't wait to see you again soon so we can sing and watch movies and drive around aimlessly together. I miss being the DJ of our car rides... But until then, keep making memories, and call me whenever you need me. Don't miss me too much! 

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart." 

All My Love and Lots of Prayers, 

Lindsay (Your BFF 5ever, because 5 is greater than 4.)

A Letter To My Ex

To My Ex: 

You may never read this letter, but these are the kindest words I have ever said to you.

You're emotionally abusive and manipulative. You hurt me deeply and you knew it, even though you always denied any any wrongdoing. You sold me a dream, but you failed to mention that I would never be a part of it. You used me so badly that I almost can't believe it actually happened. You gave me nothing. 

You positioned yourself so carefully by making sure you never quite lied or told me an untruth. You had an answer for everything, and on the rare occasion that you didn't, you never quite gave an answer. In this way you were able to walk away from this feeling as though you were good to me. But your behavior and manipulation is reprehensible. Even when we parted ways last, you just said, "Goodnight," expecting me to text you in a week and stroke your ego again and prove how much I like you. All those times it was over, you denied me simple closure. You couldn't even give me that, and of course I came back to try and make it right. Well, this is my closure.

Despite all of this, I remained by your side. I believed in you, and I saw great things in you. I believed your behavior was coming from a place of hurt and pain. The things that happened to you in your past affected you so deeply, and I kept thinking that if I showed you enough kindness, you would come around. I saw so much potential in you. But at the crux of it, you don't think anyone can truly love you for who you are, and so you value people by what you can get out of them. You give as little as possible so that when things fall apart, you never have to feel rejected. You throw yourself into material things that make you feel good for a little while because those things will never dump you. You are living a self-fulfilling prophecy. No one will truly love you like this. I thought I was in love with you, but in reality, I was in love with the man you could be - not the man you think you are.

That being said, I still believe in you. I know how much potential you have. One day I truly hope you will become the man I know you can be, but I will not be waiting around for that. 

You and I will always be unfinished business. There will never be true closure. There are things left unsaid and undone, but they will always be that way. There are certain people who come into your life and leave a mark. You left me with a bruise of longing. Hearing your name will always pull at my heart, but letting you burn me has taught me more lessons than I could express in words. Unfortunately I was never able to make you reciprocate my feelings, but that's okay now because it's over.

This is the kindest letter I could send you because it's a truth that you need to hear. This is my closure. I am completing the unfinished business I have now so that I am free as I move into this next phase of my life unencumbered. I hope you grow up someday. 

Best Wishes, 

The Girl Who Never Left