A Letter to a Toxic Former Friend

I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be.

Dear Toxic Former Friend, 

You hurt me. You bullied me. You manipulated and embarrassed me. You shoved me down into my lowest of lows. You emotionally tortured me. You made me not want to live anymore. Yet here I am. 

I wonder if you even comprehend what you are doing. You are making the people you call your 'friends' feel like lesser beings so that you can raise yourself up and boost your own self-worth. There were times when I thought that friendship was supposed to be like that; they dealt with your drama, and you dealt with theirs. However, the spotlight is always on you, and the rest of us are only here for your entertainment. 

People asked me why I chose to be friends with you. They wondered how I could bear being around you all the time. And you know what? I always stood up for you. Always. Even when it seemed like I had no reason to stick around anymore, like I was just a chew toy, I was there for you. I was a friend, even if you were not. 

Looking back at this so-called "friendship" and evaluating it for what it truly was, I realize that it's time to move on from this relationship and the pain that I felt as a result of it. At the same time, with ending this friendship, I recognize how much I have grown as an individual, and how this toxic friendship may have even changed me for the better. While you may have attempted to belittle the people you call "friends" by filling our minds with anxiety and our lives with drama, I want to thank you. 

Thank you for teaching me that I do not need toxic people like you in my life. Thank you for empowering me to no longer sit back and take demands and insults, and to finally stand up for myself and my own opinions. Thank you for making me realize who my true friends are, the ones who really do have my back and care about me, rather than selfish people like you who only worry about themselves. Thank you for allowing me to discover my self-worth and all I am capable of doing. After the hurricane of drama died down, I finally saw that the real problem was not me at all; the real problem is you and your actions. 

If it weren't for you, I would not be able to spot other toxic people from a mile away the way that I can now. I am free from the weights dragging me down to feel lesser than anybody else, and I am happier than I have been in a long time. Thank you for teaching me these life lessons; now, I have some life lessons for you, so listen up. Friends don't turn on each other. They don't call each other names that are too hurtful to even be mentioned. Lying, deceitful, gossiping personalities aren't attractive. Lastly, karma is a bitch. Good luck with that. 

You broke my heart. You tried to shatter me, but you didn't. I am stronger than I ever was because I have found that I am able to hit rock bottom, and still get back up again. Thank you for saving me from becoming a toxic friend. Life is short, and it's time to make a clean break from this toxic friendship so I can move on to something better. 

Sincerely, 
The Girl You Used 

Just Me Being Sappy

Some people make the world more special just by being in it. 

I have this one friend who has the ability to relate to me on all levels. We have similar pasts, similar struggles, and similar personalities. We also share a passion for dance and faith in God. 

When I told her about what I am currently struggling with, she welcomed me with open arms and words of comfort. When I told her about the progress I made in overcoming that struggle, she embraced me and made sure that I knew she was proud of me. I am so thankful to have her in my life because she radiates warmth, acceptance, and safety along with sass, humor, and fun. 

I didn't come to Franciscan expecting to meet someone just like me, but I am so grateful that God has let me cross paths with this fabulous young lady. Her support has immensely lifted my spirits, especially throughout these last few weeks. I'm incredibly excited to adventure on in this friendship and to find out what God has in store. 

50 Things I Believe

During senior year, I had to do a project for my religion class in which I had to create a list of 50 things I believe in. After coming upon this list recently, I have revised it slightly, therefore making it more of who I am now as a sophomore in college. The following list states 50 things that I currently believe in. 

1. I believe in God. 
2. I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for me. 
3. I believe that friendship cures sadness. 
4. I believe that music creates happiness.
5. I believe that dancing is good for the soul, no matter how "badly" it is done. 
6. I believe that life is about making mistakes and learning from them. 
7. I believe in the power of a good attitude. 
8. I believe that hard work combined with prayer produces the best results. 
9. I believe that happiness is more important than pride. 
10. I believe in unlimited possibilities because only God holds the key to my destiny. 
11. I believe in the power of forgiveness. 
12. I believe that spending time with family is good for the soul. 
13. I believe that spending time with God creates a lasting inner peace. 
14. I believe that God is in each and every person. 
15. I believe in the power of kindness and generosity. 
16. I believe that education is for everyone. 
17. I believe that world peace is possible and will be achieved one day. 
18. I believe that everyday may not be good, but there is something good in everyday. 
19. I believe in the power of a smile. 
20. I believe that problems are merely guidelines, not stop signs. 
21. I believe that our imaginations make us infinite. 
22. I believe that pain demands to be felt. 
23. I believe that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. 
24. I believe that I have nothing to fear as long as I keep Jesus in my heart. 
25. I believe that I cannot survive without God's grace and mercy. 
26. I believe that sharing a meal with someone yields intimacy. 
27. I believe in fighting for social justice. 
28. I believe in chivalry. 
29. I believe that every single person is beautiful. 
30. I believe in standing up for the poor and the lonely. 
31. I believe that death is okay because it unites us with God. 
32. I believe that I am a princess because God, my Father, is a King. 
33. I believe in happy endings. 
34. I believe that every single human life is important and valuable, beginning at the moment of conception. 
35. I believe that I will change the world. 
36. I believe that positive thinking is one of the best cures. 
37. I believe in the power of giving. 
38. I believe that love is stronger than hate. 
39. I believe in second chances. 
40. I believe that I have the ability to help others. 
41. I believe that every single human being has dignity because we were all made in the image and likeness of God. 
42. I believe that I can achieve anything my mind can conceive. 
43. I believe that actions speak louder than words. 
44. I believe in miracles. 
45. I believe that laughter is the best calorie burner. 
46. I believe in flaws because perfection is overrated; one cannot photoshop a personality. 
47. I believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 
48. I believe in the red, white, and blue. 
49. I believe in myself. 
50. I believe in you. 

Dear Future Husband (No. 1)

Dear Future Husband, 

I'm sorry. I'm scared. And I'm excited. 

I'm sorry for my past. For giving my heart away too easily. For having a twisted perception of men. For not having trust. I'm also sorry for my present. For constantly searching for you instead of being patient. For forgetting to pray for you. I'm even sorry for my future. For the mistakes I will make. For letting my emotions drive me at times. For not following through on things I may promise. 

I'm sorry for you. For the temptations you deal with everyday. For the girls who show a little too much. For the lie that being a man means being physically strong and hiding emotions. For the expectations I already have - the ones you feel like you have to meet, but know you won't always be able to. I'm sorry for your past hurt, whatever that may look like. 

More than sorry, I'm scared. I'm scared for the bad times. For not living up to your expectations. For being a bad wife or mother. For fighting. For potential financial stresses, even though I know that ultimately doesn't matter. 

But even more than sorry and scared, I'm excited. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited for you to experience my awkwardness. I'm excited for the mountains. For the jokes and the laughs. For the happy tears. For our future children. For serving the Lord together. For dancing and singing in the kitchen. For worship and fellowship in the family room. For deep conversations. For working in the mission field. I'm excited for the valleys. For the hardships and the tears. For the trials that will shape our relationship. For the times when we know the only thing pulling us through is our love for the Lord. I'm excited for all of the moments we will share.

I'm sorry and scared and excited. I don't know when I will meet you, but I pray that temptations are small and that the Lord prepares you for my craziness and sensitivity. I pray that He softens your heart, opens your eyes, and prepares you for everything that may come. But most of all, I pray that you lean on Him and love Him more and more each day, more than you will ever love me. 

Love, 
Your Future Wife 

A Letter To My Best Friend

Dear Lauren, 

Did I actually just use your real name??? 

I really cannot find words that are strong enough to express how much you mean to me and how much I thank you for all the things you have done for me and all the times that you were there. I just wanted to let you know how much I need you, and how much you mean to me. 

You're my dearest friend - the person I always turn to with my heart and soul. You're always there for me, ready to offer an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, or a heart to feel. You've been there through both the good times and the bad times. You were my light and warmth when the road got tough. You encouraged me whenever I hesitated. Not all friends stand by you through your joys and sorrows, but you've always been there for me. Thank you.

I've met a lot of people in my life, but I've never met anyone else quite like you. I knew from the start that there was something special about you. You touched my life and wouldn't let go. You brought me unimaginable joy, and you have made me feel like a better person who is able to take on the world. I think we were destined to become friends, and I'm grateful for God who brought us together. True friends are hard to find; that's why I'm glad I've got you. 

You are so special to me, and you cannot be replaced. You are always willing to help no matter what the situation holds. You always support me in everything I do. I hope one day you can lean on me as much as I've leaned on you. Your friendship helps me realize how blessed I truly am. I thank God for bringing you into my life, because I would not be the way I am today without you.

All you have to do is say the word, and I'll be there to lend a hand - day or night, sunny or snowy, happy or sad. I don't know if many people in this world would understand, but to have a friend like you is finding a silver heart in a bag of sand. You are the only one I can tell my soul to, who can relate to me like no other, who I can laugh with to no extent, and who can help me with all the problems I have to face of my life. Never have you turned your back on me, let me down, or told me I wasn't good enough. You crack me up with laughter and touch my heart with your kindness. I love you more than words can say, and I will no matter what happens. 

I look up to you because you are strong, caring, and beautiful (among other things!). I hope you know that I will always be there to listen to you, laugh with you, cry with you, and help you in all the ways that I possibly can. Through smiles and tears, laughter and heartache, you've been a part of my life. Going through this time of not hearing your voice or seeing your smile is rough. I look forward to the time we share, and I cherish all the memories we have already made. 

You always put other people first. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. You have impacted so many lives, and I would not be the person I am today without you. In times of trouble and in times of thanks, you stood by my side and held me up.You supported me when I was in tears from sadness and from joy. I've never needed anyone in my life as much as I need you now. 

Nobody will ever find another person more special than you are. I would fall apart if anything ever happened to our friendship. Everyday it just grows stronger and stronger. You are worth more than real gold. I could never imagine life without you, because that would be like an overused pencil - extremely dull. You play a major part in my life, and I hold you incredibly close to my heart. I treasure your soul like no other. You've helped me so much during the time I've known you, and I only hope that I can return the favor. 

I love you so so so so much, and I can't wait to see you again soon so we can sing and watch movies and drive around aimlessly together. I miss being the DJ of our car rides... But until then, keep making memories, and call me whenever you need me. Don't miss me too much! 

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart." 

All My Love and Lots of Prayers, 

Lindsay (Your BFF 5ever, because 5 is greater than 4.)

I Miss My Friends!

I've been missing my friends at home a lot lately, especially these guys. Skyping with LV and Matt today made me realize how far I actually am from home. 

Shannon - you're like a ray of sunshine in my life. You are my glass half-full. I miss you immensely. I hope you're having a great time at NHIA! You make an extremely cute sloth!

Jillybean - I really miss just being around you in general. You get me and I get you...like 2 peas in a pod. We feel the same about literally everyone, and that's why we work. I hope you're not meeting too many weirdos in Bitch (I mean Fitch!) burg.

Matt - I miss your big giant bear hugs and your sass and your everything. I hope you have a killer senior year this year. No matter how much we make fun of each other, I really enjoy our friendship sometimes. Break a leg in both shows, and make sure you Skype me and sing at some point! 

LV - Who woulda thought I would miss you so much? You're literally my other half because without you, I'm just LV, and you're just LV, but together we make up (LV)². I love you more than life. I can't wait until I see you again so I can run up to you and wrap you in a violent hug. Legit whenever we're together we have the best conversations, and like if anyone else heard us we would be put in a mental hospital, and that is why I love you so much. Thanks for being so awesome. 

I love you guys so much. Thanks for being the bestestestest friends everrrrrr. I hope y'all are doing great at your various schools! Can't wait to see y'all again sometime soon! 

Thanks For Being My Friends, Old and New

Hey y'all, first I just wanna thank you guys for reading my blog posts. Never expected 195 page views! This is really cool. But this post is mainly just to talk about how grateful I am for my friends, old and new.

"Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver, and the other's gold."

I miss my friends from back home everyday. It's hard to keep in touch with everyone because we all have so much going on in our lives right now. We're all on different time schedules, and we don't talk everyday like we used to. But I am forever thankful to my friends who do still talk to me when they have the chance, especially LV, Jillybean, Angela, Rissa, and Shannon. I miss all of you so much, but I'm so excited to hear about all of the amazing adventures you are about to experience during these next few months. I am so proud of all of you, and I'm so lucky to call you guys my friends. I can't wait until the day when I can say, "I knew them when..." because God has some great things in store for all of you.

And now for my new friends here at Franciscan. I never expected to make friends so quickly, and even more than that, I definitely did not expect to feel this close to you guys already. I am so thankful for each and every one of you; you make days when I'm missing home easier. I enjoy every minute with you, whether it's movie nights, praying together, study sessions, or just hanging out doing something stupid. Leah, Jim, Kiana, Bailey, Mark, CJ, Pat - you guys are just straight up awesome. I'm so incredibly excited to spend the next four years with you, going on more adventures and rolling down more hills. Thanks be to God for bringing me to all of you wonderful people.

Well it's like 3:30 a.m. and I'm now exhausted, but this post couldn't wait until tomorrow. I've never felt so joyful yet serene in my entire life, and I just wanted to take a minute and thank all of my friends for being my friends. I love you guys, to the moon and back. Goodnight!

Welcome to My Life

Well I never thought I would become a blogger...but here I am, sitting on a bed in a college dorm eating Easy Mac that tastes like mush, writing my first blog post. Welcome to my life as a college student.

Now don't think I'm a junior in college who has done this whole thing before! Yup, I'm a freshman. I haven't even been on campus for a week yet. But memories have been made so quickly it has been hard to keep up with them all. So now I'm writing them down - all of the adventures, funny stories, friendships, everything.

Speaking of adventures, have you ever ridden in a Jeep Wrangler with all of the sides and roof off while going 70 mph on a highway? If you've done that, have you done it while squished in the backseat in between two people? And if you can still say yes to that, have you done it with people whom you just met 4 days before? Yeah. That happened.

And guess what?

It was a blast.

Creating new friendships isn't easy. It never will be. But spontaneously going on adventures with strangers leads to bonding experiences that no one can forget. And thus, friendships are born.

Also, did I mention Mean Girls? Maybe I should save that for another post.....

Talk to y'all again soon!

And thanks for reading. Hope you come to love and enjoy Lindsay Land!