Just Me Being Sappy

Some people make the world more special just by being in it. 

I have this one friend who has the ability to relate to me on all levels. We have similar pasts, similar struggles, and similar personalities. We also share a passion for dance and faith in God. 

When I told her about what I am currently struggling with, she welcomed me with open arms and words of comfort. When I told her about the progress I made in overcoming that struggle, she embraced me and made sure that I knew she was proud of me. I am so thankful to have her in my life because she radiates warmth, acceptance, and safety along with sass, humor, and fun. 

I didn't come to Franciscan expecting to meet someone just like me, but I am so grateful that God has let me cross paths with this fabulous young lady. Her support has immensely lifted my spirits, especially throughout these last few weeks. I'm incredibly excited to adventure on in this friendship and to find out what God has in store. 

50 Things I Believe

During senior year, I had to do a project for my religion class in which I had to create a list of 50 things I believe in. After coming upon this list recently, I have revised it slightly, therefore making it more of who I am now as a sophomore in college. The following list states 50 things that I currently believe in. 

1. I believe in God. 
2. I believe that God has a plan and a purpose for me. 
3. I believe that friendship cures sadness. 
4. I believe that music creates happiness.
5. I believe that dancing is good for the soul, no matter how "badly" it is done. 
6. I believe that life is about making mistakes and learning from them. 
7. I believe in the power of a good attitude. 
8. I believe that hard work combined with prayer produces the best results. 
9. I believe that happiness is more important than pride. 
10. I believe in unlimited possibilities because only God holds the key to my destiny. 
11. I believe in the power of forgiveness. 
12. I believe that spending time with family is good for the soul. 
13. I believe that spending time with God creates a lasting inner peace. 
14. I believe that God is in each and every person. 
15. I believe in the power of kindness and generosity. 
16. I believe that education is for everyone. 
17. I believe that world peace is possible and will be achieved one day. 
18. I believe that everyday may not be good, but there is something good in everyday. 
19. I believe in the power of a smile. 
20. I believe that problems are merely guidelines, not stop signs. 
21. I believe that our imaginations make us infinite. 
22. I believe that pain demands to be felt. 
23. I believe that life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. 
24. I believe that I have nothing to fear as long as I keep Jesus in my heart. 
25. I believe that I cannot survive without God's grace and mercy. 
26. I believe that sharing a meal with someone yields intimacy. 
27. I believe in fighting for social justice. 
28. I believe in chivalry. 
29. I believe that every single person is beautiful. 
30. I believe in standing up for the poor and the lonely. 
31. I believe that death is okay because it unites us with God. 
32. I believe that I am a princess because God, my Father, is a King. 
33. I believe in happy endings. 
34. I believe that every single human life is important and valuable, beginning at the moment of conception. 
35. I believe that I will change the world. 
36. I believe that positive thinking is one of the best cures. 
37. I believe in the power of giving. 
38. I believe that love is stronger than hate. 
39. I believe in second chances. 
40. I believe that I have the ability to help others. 
41. I believe that every single human being has dignity because we were all made in the image and likeness of God. 
42. I believe that I can achieve anything my mind can conceive. 
43. I believe that actions speak louder than words. 
44. I believe in miracles. 
45. I believe that laughter is the best calorie burner. 
46. I believe in flaws because perfection is overrated; one cannot photoshop a personality. 
47. I believe that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 
48. I believe in the red, white, and blue. 
49. I believe in myself. 
50. I believe in you. 

Dear Future Husband (No. 1)

Dear Future Husband, 

I'm sorry. I'm scared. And I'm excited. 

I'm sorry for my past. For giving my heart away too easily. For having a twisted perception of men. For not having trust. I'm also sorry for my present. For constantly searching for you instead of being patient. For forgetting to pray for you. I'm even sorry for my future. For the mistakes I will make. For letting my emotions drive me at times. For not following through on things I may promise. 

I'm sorry for you. For the temptations you deal with everyday. For the girls who show a little too much. For the lie that being a man means being physically strong and hiding emotions. For the expectations I already have - the ones you feel like you have to meet, but know you won't always be able to. I'm sorry for your past hurt, whatever that may look like. 

More than sorry, I'm scared. I'm scared for the bad times. For not living up to your expectations. For being a bad wife or mother. For fighting. For potential financial stresses, even though I know that ultimately doesn't matter. 

But even more than sorry and scared, I'm excited. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited for you to experience my awkwardness. I'm excited for the mountains. For the jokes and the laughs. For the happy tears. For our future children. For serving the Lord together. For dancing and singing in the kitchen. For worship and fellowship in the family room. For deep conversations. For working in the mission field. I'm excited for the valleys. For the hardships and the tears. For the trials that will shape our relationship. For the times when we know the only thing pulling us through is our love for the Lord. I'm excited for all of the moments we will share.

I'm sorry and scared and excited. I don't know when I will meet you, but I pray that temptations are small and that the Lord prepares you for my craziness and sensitivity. I pray that He softens your heart, opens your eyes, and prepares you for everything that may come. But most of all, I pray that you lean on Him and love Him more and more each day, more than you will ever love me. 

Love, 
Your Future Wife 

A Letter To My Best Friend

Dear Lauren, 

Did I actually just use your real name??? 

I really cannot find words that are strong enough to express how much you mean to me and how much I thank you for all the things you have done for me and all the times that you were there. I just wanted to let you know how much I need you, and how much you mean to me. 

You're my dearest friend - the person I always turn to with my heart and soul. You're always there for me, ready to offer an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, or a heart to feel. You've been there through both the good times and the bad times. You were my light and warmth when the road got tough. You encouraged me whenever I hesitated. Not all friends stand by you through your joys and sorrows, but you've always been there for me. Thank you.

I've met a lot of people in my life, but I've never met anyone else quite like you. I knew from the start that there was something special about you. You touched my life and wouldn't let go. You brought me unimaginable joy, and you have made me feel like a better person who is able to take on the world. I think we were destined to become friends, and I'm grateful for God who brought us together. True friends are hard to find; that's why I'm glad I've got you. 

You are so special to me, and you cannot be replaced. You are always willing to help no matter what the situation holds. You always support me in everything I do. I hope one day you can lean on me as much as I've leaned on you. Your friendship helps me realize how blessed I truly am. I thank God for bringing you into my life, because I would not be the way I am today without you.

All you have to do is say the word, and I'll be there to lend a hand - day or night, sunny or snowy, happy or sad. I don't know if many people in this world would understand, but to have a friend like you is finding a silver heart in a bag of sand. You are the only one I can tell my soul to, who can relate to me like no other, who I can laugh with to no extent, and who can help me with all the problems I have to face of my life. Never have you turned your back on me, let me down, or told me I wasn't good enough. You crack me up with laughter and touch my heart with your kindness. I love you more than words can say, and I will no matter what happens. 

I look up to you because you are strong, caring, and beautiful (among other things!). I hope you know that I will always be there to listen to you, laugh with you, cry with you, and help you in all the ways that I possibly can. Through smiles and tears, laughter and heartache, you've been a part of my life. Going through this time of not hearing your voice or seeing your smile is rough. I look forward to the time we share, and I cherish all the memories we have already made. 

You always put other people first. Your thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. You have impacted so many lives, and I would not be the person I am today without you. In times of trouble and in times of thanks, you stood by my side and held me up.You supported me when I was in tears from sadness and from joy. I've never needed anyone in my life as much as I need you now. 

Nobody will ever find another person more special than you are. I would fall apart if anything ever happened to our friendship. Everyday it just grows stronger and stronger. You are worth more than real gold. I could never imagine life without you, because that would be like an overused pencil - extremely dull. You play a major part in my life, and I hold you incredibly close to my heart. I treasure your soul like no other. You've helped me so much during the time I've known you, and I only hope that I can return the favor. 

I love you so so so so much, and I can't wait to see you again soon so we can sing and watch movies and drive around aimlessly together. I miss being the DJ of our car rides... But until then, keep making memories, and call me whenever you need me. Don't miss me too much! 

"Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints on your heart." 

All My Love and Lots of Prayers, 

Lindsay (Your BFF 5ever, because 5 is greater than 4.)

I Felt God; I Didn't Know Him.

WARNING: It's boutta get hella Catholic up in here.

So most people who know me think that I've always been "super crazy religious," as some of my friends might say. Like, "There's a Bible quote in her e-mail signature, she's a Jesus freak!" kind of religious. But that actually could not be further from the truth. When I went on my first youth conference before freshman year of high school, I finally realized how real Jesus is. It took me 14 years to truly feel His presence in my life. 14 years. That's an insanely long time to not know Jesus.

But I still didn't really know Him, I just felt Him. Kind of like I knew He was around, but I didn't want to talk to Him. Or maybe I did want to talk to Him, but I didn't know how. Even still, I went to Mass and went on more retreats. I always felt God around me. Every conference I went on, I would come home and tell myself it would be different this time around. I was going to get to know God this time. But I never went through with it. I never started a real prayer life. I was just another Catholic going through the motions at Mass on Sundays. Just another Catholic who went to Reconciliation maybe once or twice a year. Just another Catholic.

So now I'm 18. It's been 18 years, and I've only ever felt God. I've never taken the time to know Him. But I think that's finally going to change. This past weekend I had the amazing opportunity to attend a conference here at my school (Franciscan University of Steubenville) called Encounter. The main idea of the entire day was about encountering God. This notion of "knowing not feeling" was very present around me all day. I went through the motions at Mass that morning and listened to the speakers deliver powerful messages. And then my roommate wanted to go to Reconciliation. Ugh.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation gives me anxiety. Like, awful anxiety. But I knew that I needed to go. It had been over a year since I confessed my sins to God. Over a year since I had felt God's mercy in my life. But that only made this anxiety worse. We waited in line for about an hour. The closer I got, the more sick to my stomach I felt. I was freaking out, thinking the priest would judge me because I couldn't remember the last time I went to confession. But when it was finally my turn, I swallowed and took a deep breath and sat down across from Father Nathan (who is the bomb). It was the most healing sacrament I have ever experienced. I really knew God in that moment, and I knew His mercy. This was a brand new feeling - it took me 18 years to know God's mercy.

I went to Eucharistic Adoration a few hours after that and it was during those few hours where I first started getting to know Jesus. I never fully realized how calming just sitting in the presence of God could be. I didn't only feel God during adoration this time. I knew Him. Or at least, I started to get to know Him.

I went to Sunday Mass this evening. Tonight, August 30, 2015, was the first Mass where I can honestly say I did more than just go through the motions. I consciously thought about each word I was saying and praying. I made an effort to not be distracted by my environment. I didn't just feel as if I just received Jesus through Holy Communion - I knew that I had just received Jesus. I knew that He was in my heart.

And I can't think of a better way to start off my four years at Franciscan than this past weekend, especially knowing that I have a supportive group of friends who love me and care about me. They're the type of people who will help me start a prayer life so I can have an actual relationship with Jesus. They're the type of people who will hold me accountable for my actions and push me to be the best version of myself. They're the type of people who will help me know God.

I had a lot of struggles in high school. I still have a lot of struggles now. But I'm thrilled to embark on this journey of getting to know God, even if it seems difficult, because none of my scars can make Him love me less. I'm filled with joy because of the opportunity I have to get to know God and build a relationship with Him.