Dear Future Husband (No. 1)

Dear Future Husband, 

I'm sorry. I'm scared. And I'm excited. 

I'm sorry for my past. For giving my heart away too easily. For having a twisted perception of men. For not having trust. I'm also sorry for my present. For constantly searching for you instead of being patient. For forgetting to pray for you. I'm even sorry for my future. For the mistakes I will make. For letting my emotions drive me at times. For not following through on things I may promise. 

I'm sorry for you. For the temptations you deal with everyday. For the girls who show a little too much. For the lie that being a man means being physically strong and hiding emotions. For the expectations I already have - the ones you feel like you have to meet, but know you won't always be able to. I'm sorry for your past hurt, whatever that may look like. 

More than sorry, I'm scared. I'm scared for the bad times. For not living up to your expectations. For being a bad wife or mother. For fighting. For potential financial stresses, even though I know that ultimately doesn't matter. 

But even more than sorry and scared, I'm excited. I'm excited to meet you. I'm excited for you to experience my awkwardness. I'm excited for the mountains. For the jokes and the laughs. For the happy tears. For our future children. For serving the Lord together. For dancing and singing in the kitchen. For worship and fellowship in the family room. For deep conversations. For working in the mission field. I'm excited for the valleys. For the hardships and the tears. For the trials that will shape our relationship. For the times when we know the only thing pulling us through is our love for the Lord. I'm excited for all of the moments we will share.

I'm sorry and scared and excited. I don't know when I will meet you, but I pray that temptations are small and that the Lord prepares you for my craziness and sensitivity. I pray that He softens your heart, opens your eyes, and prepares you for everything that may come. But most of all, I pray that you lean on Him and love Him more and more each day, more than you will ever love me. 

Love, 
Your Future Wife