A Letter to a Toxic Former Friend

I'm stronger than you ever thought I'd be.

Dear Toxic Former Friend, 

You hurt me. You bullied me. You manipulated and embarrassed me. You shoved me down into my lowest of lows. You emotionally tortured me. You made me not want to live anymore. Yet here I am. 

I wonder if you even comprehend what you are doing. You are making the people you call your 'friends' feel like lesser beings so that you can raise yourself up and boost your own self-worth. There were times when I thought that friendship was supposed to be like that; they dealt with your drama, and you dealt with theirs. However, the spotlight is always on you, and the rest of us are only here for your entertainment. 

People asked me why I chose to be friends with you. They wondered how I could bear being around you all the time. And you know what? I always stood up for you. Always. Even when it seemed like I had no reason to stick around anymore, like I was just a chew toy, I was there for you. I was a friend, even if you were not. 

Looking back at this so-called "friendship" and evaluating it for what it truly was, I realize that it's time to move on from this relationship and the pain that I felt as a result of it. At the same time, with ending this friendship, I recognize how much I have grown as an individual, and how this toxic friendship may have even changed me for the better. While you may have attempted to belittle the people you call "friends" by filling our minds with anxiety and our lives with drama, I want to thank you. 

Thank you for teaching me that I do not need toxic people like you in my life. Thank you for empowering me to no longer sit back and take demands and insults, and to finally stand up for myself and my own opinions. Thank you for making me realize who my true friends are, the ones who really do have my back and care about me, rather than selfish people like you who only worry about themselves. Thank you for allowing me to discover my self-worth and all I am capable of doing. After the hurricane of drama died down, I finally saw that the real problem was not me at all; the real problem is you and your actions. 

If it weren't for you, I would not be able to spot other toxic people from a mile away the way that I can now. I am free from the weights dragging me down to feel lesser than anybody else, and I am happier than I have been in a long time. Thank you for teaching me these life lessons; now, I have some life lessons for you, so listen up. Friends don't turn on each other. They don't call each other names that are too hurtful to even be mentioned. Lying, deceitful, gossiping personalities aren't attractive. Lastly, karma is a bitch. Good luck with that. 

You broke my heart. You tried to shatter me, but you didn't. I am stronger than I ever was because I have found that I am able to hit rock bottom, and still get back up again. Thank you for saving me from becoming a toxic friend. Life is short, and it's time to make a clean break from this toxic friendship so I can move on to something better. 

Sincerely, 
The Girl You Used 

Words Do Matter, Even If You're "Kidding"

You called a six year old girl on the playground stupid. When she got upset and told the teacher, you said you were just kidding and didn't really mean it. The girl forgot about it the next day, and the teacher blew it off. Boys tease girls that they like. 

You called a twelve year old girl in class nerdy. When she was offended and complained to her mom, you said you were just joking around. She didn't take it as a joke, but everyone else let it go. Boys will be boys. 

You called a sixteen year old girl in the cafeteria a slut. When she felt hurt and explained it to her friends, they told her it was because you wanted her. Because you liked her. She was stung by the comment, but everyone told her to forget about it. Boys insult girls that they want.

You called an eighteen year old girl easy. You said she was too feisty. Too sassy all the time. You told her she was angry all the time and that she constantly had the face of a bitch. You said she needed to do her hair and make-up differently because it would make her look better. You told her to stop talking about things that made her happy because she talked about them for too long and you just didn't want to hear about it. You made fun of her every move. 

She was damaged by every single insult, but you habitually said you were just fucking around and didn't actually mean it. She complained to her friends, but they told her to take a joke once in awhile and to not be so uptight. Boys tease girls that they like. Boys will be boys. Boys insult girls that they want. 

But I bet you didn't know that the girl you insulted for personal amusement cried about it. She tried to change herself to make you stop insulting her, but it never ended. You abused her so badly that she thought about hurting herself. She hasn't gotten there yet, but she could. You wounded her every time you spoke to her, and you didn't even notice, nor did you care. 

Make sure you think about what you're saying before you say it. Make sure the psychological damage to that girl is worth your personal pleasure and your friends' laughter and respect. Make sure her emotional instability is worth your insincere friendships that are based on your ability to degrade that girl. Make sure it's worth it. 

Sticks and stones may break bones, but words definitely break minds and hearts. There is always some truth behind every insult, whether you say you're kidding or not. Think before you speak, because that girl is an emotional wreck due to the wounds and pain you have inflicted on her.