Closure and Peace

**Before reading this post, it would be helpful to read a previous post from September 2015 entitled "A Letter To My Ex," which is linked here.

I hand-wrote the letter linked above to an ex-boyfriend before posting it online as an anonymous open letter. I have kept it in an envelope in my desk drawer since September, but I removed it yesterday, March 21, 2016. I set the letter on fire and watched it burn. I was not aware of the healing power of fire, but this cathartic and therapeutic action has brought peace to my mind and heart.

While performing this action, a series of songs raced through my head. I think the combination of fire and music provided me with the closure and healing I needed in order to move on with my life and to accept that my life has changed. I believe that I learned a lot in this past relationship, and I can now keep the good memories without hurting when thinking about them. I invite you to continue on reading, as the following is my commentary on the music I thought of during the burning of the letter.

"A slamming door and a lesson learned / I let another love crash and burn" (Thomas Rhett)
I learned a lot from this particular past relationship, but I also let love crash and burn. Maybe I should have fought harder for the relationship when I let it go, but it is too late to change that now. The door has been shut on this relationship, and it is time to move on.

"You're one bridge I'd like to burn / Bottle up the ashes, smash the urn / I'm through with you" (The Band Perry)
Burning the letter I had written to my ex-boyfriend was, for me, equivalent to burning the bridge. It made me feel as if I was really through with him. I can now say I am at a point of no turning back, and it feels pretty awesome.

"So watch me strike a match on all my wasted time / As far as I'm concerned, you're just another picture to burn" (Taylor Swift)
How could I burn everything without thinking of this amazing song? Taylor Swift's country music may be the most cathartic and therapeutic experience for any girl undergoing a painful break-up. Seriously, her words are exactly what a girl wants to hear. ANYWAYS I am so glad that I lit that letter on fire. I have wasted a lot of my time on this ex-boyfriend. We started talking at the end of my sophomore year of high school, and now I'm a freshman in college. I now realize that he is no longer worth my time, because I have moved on to bigger and better things. He has become just another picture to burn.

Thank y'all so much for reading about my cathartic experience with fire and music. This activity has brought me incredible amounts of closure as well as peace of mind and heart. I am praying for all of my readers, during this Holy Week especially. I love you guys!

A Letter To My High School Teachers

To All Of My High School Teachers - Mrs. Ward, Mrs. Regan, Deacon Giard, Mrs. Poirier, Ms. Coan, Ms. Moros, Mr. Brudz, Ms. Stoyles, Mrs. Reilly, Ms. Mannion, Mrs. Janecko, Ms. Casey, Mrs. Shattuck, Mr. Healey, Mrs. Hicks, Ms. Milas, Mrs. Andrews, Mr. Amidon, Mr. Menner, Ms. Raffles, Mrs. Jacobs, Mr. Hammer, Ms. Ridel, Mrs. Gilbert, Coach Calande, Mrs. Heaney, Mr. McConville, and Mrs. Marcucio: 

Let me start off by saying thank you. I was very lucky to have people in my life so dedicated to their jobs. I was fortunate to learn from each of you. There is something I took away from each class - some good and some bad. Most of you taught me lessons that I will carry on throughout the rest of my life. I graduated with more than grades on my report card. I left with values and life lessons that could never be graded. 

I am writing this letter now because I did not realize the impact you had on my life until you were all gone. Let this be a reminder to all of your current students: you are spoiled, just like I was. High school teachers were adults in my life that cared about me and wanted the best for not only me, but all of their students. 

I want to thank you for being difficult teachers. I now appreciate all of your challenges because it prepared me for the level of college work. At the time, I hated when I had a paper and two tests due on the same day, but now I am grateful for those sleepless nights. It was conditioning for my higher education. 

This letter is addressed to all of my teachers, even the ones I did not particularly "like" in class. You helped me focus on the content of the class and not the teacher; it is impossible to like everyone. Not every professor is going to be my favorite, and the same goes for the subject. I may not be interested in the course content, but that does not excuse me from not doing well or trying in the class, and I learned that thanks to you. 

For the teachers who truly loved their job, thank you. It was noticeable that you cared about the subject matter and that you wanted each of your students to care as well. You respected your students, and in return, you gained respect from them. I never wanted to let you down. You helped me try very hard in every aspect of your classes, and you expected nothing less than my best efforts. Thank you for motivating me to try my hardest with all parts of school. You all helped me become a better student in the quick four years I spent in high school. 

Thank you for guiding me in the right direction, for helping me find what I love, and for teaching what you love. All of your students have benefited and will continue to benefit. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of this school year. Try not to miss me as much as I miss all of you. 

Thank you for everything. 

Love and Blessings, 
Your High School Graduate 

A Letter To My Ex

To My Ex: 

You may never read this letter, but these are the kindest words I have ever said to you.

You're emotionally abusive and manipulative. You hurt me deeply and you knew it, even though you always denied any any wrongdoing. You sold me a dream, but you failed to mention that I would never be a part of it. You used me so badly that I almost can't believe it actually happened. You gave me nothing. 

You positioned yourself so carefully by making sure you never quite lied or told me an untruth. You had an answer for everything, and on the rare occasion that you didn't, you never quite gave an answer. In this way you were able to walk away from this feeling as though you were good to me. But your behavior and manipulation is reprehensible. Even when we parted ways last, you just said, "Goodnight," expecting me to text you in a week and stroke your ego again and prove how much I like you. All those times it was over, you denied me simple closure. You couldn't even give me that, and of course I came back to try and make it right. Well, this is my closure.

Despite all of this, I remained by your side. I believed in you, and I saw great things in you. I believed your behavior was coming from a place of hurt and pain. The things that happened to you in your past affected you so deeply, and I kept thinking that if I showed you enough kindness, you would come around. I saw so much potential in you. But at the crux of it, you don't think anyone can truly love you for who you are, and so you value people by what you can get out of them. You give as little as possible so that when things fall apart, you never have to feel rejected. You throw yourself into material things that make you feel good for a little while because those things will never dump you. You are living a self-fulfilling prophecy. No one will truly love you like this. I thought I was in love with you, but in reality, I was in love with the man you could be - not the man you think you are.

That being said, I still believe in you. I know how much potential you have. One day I truly hope you will become the man I know you can be, but I will not be waiting around for that. 

You and I will always be unfinished business. There will never be true closure. There are things left unsaid and undone, but they will always be that way. There are certain people who come into your life and leave a mark. You left me with a bruise of longing. Hearing your name will always pull at my heart, but letting you burn me has taught me more lessons than I could express in words. Unfortunately I was never able to make you reciprocate my feelings, but that's okay now because it's over.

This is the kindest letter I could send you because it's a truth that you need to hear. This is my closure. I am completing the unfinished business I have now so that I am free as I move into this next phase of my life unencumbered. I hope you grow up someday. 

Best Wishes, 

The Girl Who Never Left