I Felt God; I Didn't Know Him.

WARNING: It's boutta get hella Catholic up in here.

So most people who know me think that I've always been "super crazy religious," as some of my friends might say. Like, "There's a Bible quote in her e-mail signature, she's a Jesus freak!" kind of religious. But that actually could not be further from the truth. When I went on my first youth conference before freshman year of high school, I finally realized how real Jesus is. It took me 14 years to truly feel His presence in my life. 14 years. That's an insanely long time to not know Jesus.

But I still didn't really know Him, I just felt Him. Kind of like I knew He was around, but I didn't want to talk to Him. Or maybe I did want to talk to Him, but I didn't know how. Even still, I went to Mass and went on more retreats. I always felt God around me. Every conference I went on, I would come home and tell myself it would be different this time around. I was going to get to know God this time. But I never went through with it. I never started a real prayer life. I was just another Catholic going through the motions at Mass on Sundays. Just another Catholic who went to Reconciliation maybe once or twice a year. Just another Catholic.

So now I'm 18. It's been 18 years, and I've only ever felt God. I've never taken the time to know Him. But I think that's finally going to change. This past weekend I had the amazing opportunity to attend a conference here at my school (Franciscan University of Steubenville) called Encounter. The main idea of the entire day was about encountering God. This notion of "knowing not feeling" was very present around me all day. I went through the motions at Mass that morning and listened to the speakers deliver powerful messages. And then my roommate wanted to go to Reconciliation. Ugh.

The Sacrament of Reconciliation gives me anxiety. Like, awful anxiety. But I knew that I needed to go. It had been over a year since I confessed my sins to God. Over a year since I had felt God's mercy in my life. But that only made this anxiety worse. We waited in line for about an hour. The closer I got, the more sick to my stomach I felt. I was freaking out, thinking the priest would judge me because I couldn't remember the last time I went to confession. But when it was finally my turn, I swallowed and took a deep breath and sat down across from Father Nathan (who is the bomb). It was the most healing sacrament I have ever experienced. I really knew God in that moment, and I knew His mercy. This was a brand new feeling - it took me 18 years to know God's mercy.

I went to Eucharistic Adoration a few hours after that and it was during those few hours where I first started getting to know Jesus. I never fully realized how calming just sitting in the presence of God could be. I didn't only feel God during adoration this time. I knew Him. Or at least, I started to get to know Him.

I went to Sunday Mass this evening. Tonight, August 30, 2015, was the first Mass where I can honestly say I did more than just go through the motions. I consciously thought about each word I was saying and praying. I made an effort to not be distracted by my environment. I didn't just feel as if I just received Jesus through Holy Communion - I knew that I had just received Jesus. I knew that He was in my heart.

And I can't think of a better way to start off my four years at Franciscan than this past weekend, especially knowing that I have a supportive group of friends who love me and care about me. They're the type of people who will help me start a prayer life so I can have an actual relationship with Jesus. They're the type of people who will hold me accountable for my actions and push me to be the best version of myself. They're the type of people who will help me know God.

I had a lot of struggles in high school. I still have a lot of struggles now. But I'm thrilled to embark on this journey of getting to know God, even if it seems difficult, because none of my scars can make Him love me less. I'm filled with joy because of the opportunity I have to get to know God and build a relationship with Him.

Thanks For Being My Friends, Old and New

Hey y'all, first I just wanna thank you guys for reading my blog posts. Never expected 195 page views! This is really cool. But this post is mainly just to talk about how grateful I am for my friends, old and new.

"Make new friends, but keep the old; one is silver, and the other's gold."

I miss my friends from back home everyday. It's hard to keep in touch with everyone because we all have so much going on in our lives right now. We're all on different time schedules, and we don't talk everyday like we used to. But I am forever thankful to my friends who do still talk to me when they have the chance, especially LV, Jillybean, Angela, Rissa, and Shannon. I miss all of you so much, but I'm so excited to hear about all of the amazing adventures you are about to experience during these next few months. I am so proud of all of you, and I'm so lucky to call you guys my friends. I can't wait until the day when I can say, "I knew them when..." because God has some great things in store for all of you.

And now for my new friends here at Franciscan. I never expected to make friends so quickly, and even more than that, I definitely did not expect to feel this close to you guys already. I am so thankful for each and every one of you; you make days when I'm missing home easier. I enjoy every minute with you, whether it's movie nights, praying together, study sessions, or just hanging out doing something stupid. Leah, Jim, Kiana, Bailey, Mark, CJ, Pat - you guys are just straight up awesome. I'm so incredibly excited to spend the next four years with you, going on more adventures and rolling down more hills. Thanks be to God for bringing me to all of you wonderful people.

Well it's like 3:30 a.m. and I'm now exhausted, but this post couldn't wait until tomorrow. I've never felt so joyful yet serene in my entire life, and I just wanted to take a minute and thank all of my friends for being my friends. I love you guys, to the moon and back. Goodnight!

10 Things To Do Before Graduation

As some of my friends back home start their senior year at ECHS, I have been reminiscing about some of my own memories of last year. The boat cruise, football games, homecoming, the play, the musical, concerts, basketball games, senior farewell, the picnic, prom, graduation, and all of the other adventures in between. Senior year goes by so quickly, and all seniors at some point vocalize how they just want to be done. It's inevitable - schoolwork, homework, college essays, college applications, and a whole bunch of other factors make you want to leave high school as soon as possible. But high school is the only time of your life where you get to cultivate friendships in a safe place where you see each other everyday; where you can try new things that you've never done before without being judged; where you start to find out what your true interests and passions are, potentially leading you to a major or career field; and most importantly, where you make memories that tell your story. Memories that will last a lifetime.

Don't wish senior year away too often. Sitting in a college dorm reminds me of how there are some things I either wish I did or wish I did MORE while still in high school. As a result, I'm giving you the best list yet: 10 Things To Do Before Graduation.

1. Try something new, whether it be a sport or a play or an instrument.

2. Make plans with all of your friends to do something at least every other weekend. This is the last year where you'll have "easy access" to each other all of the time. Take advantage of it. You won't realize how much you'll miss your best friend until you're 320 miles away from them.

3. Thank the cafeteria workers. Even though school cafeteria food may be disgusting, they work really hard. A simple "thank you" paired with a smile goes a long way.

4. Do something out of your comfort zone! Go zip lining or rock climbing or cliff jumping or something crazy! Be fearless and reckless.

5. Tell a teacher how much he or she has impacted your life (in a positive way). I had a history teacher, Mrs. Ward, who basically helped shape who I am. She was the toughest teacher I've ever had, but I am eternally grateful to her for everything she has done for me.

6. Go to sports games and musical performances! Your classmates love being cheered on. Every high school student lives for their moment in the spotlight, even if just a few minutes onstage. Support each other instead of fighting with each other.

7. Pray a lot. This is cliché, but prayer is actually really important, and it can get you really far in life. Prayer will make your life more serene, and you will find yourself at peace more often than not.

8. Take pictures! You have dorm room walls to decorate next year!

9. Thank your parents. Hug them a lot. Tell them how much you love them. Don't yell at them or fight with them so often. They are sacrificing a lot for you, even if you don't see it.

10. HAVE FUN! Senior year is probably the best year I've ever experienced in my life. There were so many new and beautiful experiences that I never expected. Make the most of your senior year, because you will be walking away from receiving your diploma faster than you think.

15 Reasons to Appreciate Connecticut

I'm feeling a little homesick today, so I'm thinking it's time to write something about good ol' Connecticut. The funny thing is, while you're living in Connecticut, you don't realize how great it actually is. You don't appreciate anything about the state. You just complain about the lines at the DMV and whine about the high cost of living and cry about how cold and awful the winter is. Oh and trust me, this isn't accusatory of anyone living in Connecticut - I've done it too. Well, the winter part, anyways. The point is, anyone who lives in Connecticut, hates Connecticut. But in reality, when you think about it, it's a pretty awesome place. So I compiled a list for you to read and think about either why you should be grateful that you live in Connecticut, or why you should pack up your life and move to Connecticut!

1. CT is part of New England but close to New York, so you get the bestttttt of both worlds! Chill it out, take it slow...then you rock out the show! You get the besttttt of both worlds....Hannah Montana, anyone?

2. We're responsible for literal GENIUSES. We got Mark Twain, Candace Bushnell, Suzanne Collins, Charlotte Perkins Gilman, Arthur Miller, and Maurice Sendak, just to name a few. All the best people are from CT.

3. Not to mention the ATHLETIC STARS like Dorothy Hamill, Steve Young, and Bobby Valentine.

4. Connecticut is home to one of the best state schools in the country, not to mention it's the same school that has the most NCAA championships.....GO HUSKIES!

5. But not only is it home to UConn! We have Yale as well - one of the precious Ivies that people hail from all over the world to attend.

6. In the fall, aka the best season of the year, you can go apple-picking, enjoy some apple cider, or explore different pumpkin patches.

7. When the weather cooperates during the summer, there are beautiful coastlines and gorgeous beaches to visit!

8. Have you seen the breathtaking cottages that you can stay in? Ugh.

9. Also, GO TO MYSTIC. It's pretty awesome, and it's in CT, thus CT is pretty awesome.

10. The lighthouses and various views are picture perfect and literally look identical to ones you see in paintings.

11. There's so much history in Connecticut. There's abolitionist and suffragist homes, the Mark Twain house, Nathan Hale Homestead, and even Native American settlements.

12. Are you a fan of Gilmore Girls? Or Weeds or Who's the Boss? All of those take place - guess where! - in the best state of the country!

13. And have you seen how our guys dress? Pastel colors, popped collars, and boat shoes - if that doesn't at least make us the best-looking state, I don't know what will.

14. A lot of Broadway performers get their starts in Connecticut, especially through Goodspeed Opera House and Yale Repertory Theatre.

15. Last but not least, HAVE YOU LOOKED AT CONNECTICUT IN THE FALL?! IT'S FREAKIN GORGEOUS. The foliage is probably the most breathtaking thing I've ever looked at. So look at it and take it all in while you breathe in the crisp, fall air and drink hot cider. Because eventually, you'll end up like me - 9 hours away from Connecticut where everything is either plain & green or extremely freezing cold.

Welcome to My Life

Well I never thought I would become a blogger...but here I am, sitting on a bed in a college dorm eating Easy Mac that tastes like mush, writing my first blog post. Welcome to my life as a college student.

Now don't think I'm a junior in college who has done this whole thing before! Yup, I'm a freshman. I haven't even been on campus for a week yet. But memories have been made so quickly it has been hard to keep up with them all. So now I'm writing them down - all of the adventures, funny stories, friendships, everything.

Speaking of adventures, have you ever ridden in a Jeep Wrangler with all of the sides and roof off while going 70 mph on a highway? If you've done that, have you done it while squished in the backseat in between two people? And if you can still say yes to that, have you done it with people whom you just met 4 days before? Yeah. That happened.

And guess what?

It was a blast.

Creating new friendships isn't easy. It never will be. But spontaneously going on adventures with strangers leads to bonding experiences that no one can forget. And thus, friendships are born.

Also, did I mention Mean Girls? Maybe I should save that for another post.....

Talk to y'all again soon!

And thanks for reading. Hope you come to love and enjoy Lindsay Land!