Bucket List
Growing up, I constantly wanted to participate in community service. This desire to help people with their problems, physical or mental, has turned into my hope of becoming a social worker. I want to spend my entire life helping others, yet at one point in my life, I refused to let anybody help me.
Becoming a social worker has been influenced by my personal history. During my high school career I underwent two surgeries. I failed countless musical auditions. I always felt out of place because I was too mature for my age. In March of my junior year, I experienced my best friend turning on me, which turned into three girls from school posting about me on social media. This led to a significant change in my attitude, which was quickly noticed by my parents. I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office, where I experienced an unforgettable moment when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
My immediate reaction was denial. I thought I was a burden to others, and I felt as if I wasn’t worthy of help. I had no interest in talking to friends because I assumed they would make fun of me if I admitted my weaknesses. I wouldn’t tell my mother anything either. But then, during a therapy session, two words on a piece of paper changed my entire mental state.
I walked into my therapist’s office one day, and she was sitting at the table in the middle of the room with markers and blank sheets of paper. As I sat down at the table, she showed me the first sheet of paper where she had written the words, “Bucket List.” I took the paper from her and wrote a long list of things I want to do before I die. Then she gave me a new piece of paper and told me to write my ultimate life goal. My goal was to help others who believed they were not worthy of receiving help; someone just like me.
After that therapy session I slowly let more people into my life. I started with my mother, and then branched out and told two of my closest friends. I asked for their forgiveness because I hadn’t trusted them or allowed them to help me through my struggles. Then I told more of my friends, and I was relieved when not a single person judged me because of my illness. I stopped pushing people away, and I was more open about my feelings. When I started allowing myself to receive help from others, I found strength. I was able to fight the depression and anxiety, and today, I am proud to say that I am able to successfully cope with the stresses of life. I learned that life is not meant to be painless, but I found accepting help makes life a lot less lonely.
Helping others has always been easy for me to do, but receiving help from others turned out to be extremely difficult. I will always remember the day I was diagnosed, because I thought it was the weakest moment of my entire life; but another day I will always remember is the day I finished my treatment. My therapist looked at me at the end of my last appointment with a smile lighting up her face, and she simply said, “You made it.”
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